The longer I live in Auckland, the more natural the New Zealand language feels. They call it English, but the Kiwi slang creates a variant that is often amusing.
This article took first place in a contest years ago, earning a top expat honour. It is still on target. New Zealand slang is light and fun, while most of the Kiwi phrases are easy to remember.
Today, I reshare my entry as a courtesy to those who will visit New Zealand and for anyone who needs a laugh.
By the way, “Kiwi” is a friendly slang term for a New Zealander.
Be inspired by New Zealand …
Below is my award-winning entry with photos added for colour.
Top 10 funny New Zealand language blunders – Expats beware of Kiwi slang!
Recently a mate suggested that I am not just an American expat, I am Kiwi now. Living in New Zealand has changed me. I drink piss and eat tea. I wear togs and jandals in the summer, woollies and jumpers in the winter. Now I ring with the phone and call in person. I holiday at a bach, and if I am awake early enough, I enjoy a sparrow fart. Basically, life is good as gold, and I am happy as Larry.
Who is Larry? I have no idea, nor do I know why he is happy. I do know that my inability to speak the language started immediately upon disembarking the plane in New Zealand.
As an American expat, I made the all too common assumption that I would easily understand Kiwi English. Ten years later, certain New Zealand words and colloquialisms continue to make me laugh.
More Kiwi slang
In America, I park my car in the parking lot, walk on the sidewalk, and ride in an elevator; now, I use a carpark, a footpath, and a lift. In New Zealand, kids use a rubber to erase their mistakes, and a baby sleeps in a cot.
If “I am shattered,” Kiwis hear tired. And should I be angry and announce, “I am pissed,” well, no one will pay attention to the ramblings of a drunk. In New Zealand, piss is beer, pissed is drunk, a piss-up is a party with alcohol, piss around is to waste time, pissing down refers to a rainstorm, piss off implies go away and finally, pissed off is angry – for an adult. Angry kids don’t get pissed off or have tantrums, but rather throw a wobbly.
I dropped two words from my vocabulary: fanny (trust me, don’t say it) and root (to have sex). On the bright side, I can now say “blow me down” (expression of surprise), I know bugger all (not much) or rattle your dags (hurry up).
How to speak Kiwi
Kiwi speak includes many funny Maori sayings and phrases. In the language of the indigenous people, the letter combination “WH” makes the sound “F.” No problem for words like Whānau (extended family), however, I still laugh at the popular Whakarewarewa Forest and the New Zealand ski field called “Whakapapa” (fuk-a-papa).
Here’s an interesting tidbit; Whakapapa is on Mt. Ruapehu, an active volcano. Kiwis ski here anyway. Thousands of them every year without worry, which brings me to the next oddity:
“She’ll be right mate.”
In this case, it’s not the words themselves but rather the cultural phenomena that go with them. Sometimes I see it as a wonderfully relaxed way to go through life. Things have a way of working themselves out. “No worries. She’ll be right mate.” At other times, I roll my eyes in wonder. Question someone who is skiing on a volcano, climbing an unstable tree, or jumping on a trampoline on the driveway without safety nets, the answer will probably be, “No worries. She’ll be right mate.”
Kiwi translation of my favourite foods
Then there is food, or more specifically, tea. If I invite someone for tea, they expect dinner. Morning tea is coffee. Afternoon tea is a snack. If I just want a cup of tea, it’s a cuppa. Although, sometimes morning tea is a snack and a cuppa is a coffee, usually served with a bickie, which I used to call a cookie. When I am asked to “bring a plate,” it is assumed there will be food on it to share, and if that food is to be “pudding,” well, then any dessert will do. However, if it is the American-style pudding they want, they would have asked me to bring a mousse.
There’s even Kiwi slang for coffee
Confused? If not completely baffled yet, simply try and order that cup of coffee. I had thought Starbucks was difficult before I became an expat. Now if I want black coffee, I can either get filter coffee (as in the type made with a Mr Coffee look-alike), an espresso, or a “long black” which is an espresso served with a side of boiling water.
Personally, I prefer milk, so my options are macchiato, flat white, cappuccino, café latte, mochaccino, or a latte macchiato. And should I accidentally defer to my Americanisms and ask for cream rather than milk, I will get a strange look, followed by a dollop of whipped cream. Before adding it to my coffee, I add sugar, as New Zealand “cream” is simply whipped, with no sugar added.
Good luck finding plain “sugar” on a typical grocery shelf. Just from New Zealand’s largest sugar company, Chelsea, I found: raw sugar, white sugar, caster sugar, icing sugar, soft brown sugar, coffee crystals, demerara sugar, organic sugar, and dark cane sugar. What’s the difference? I used to wonder until I learned; caster sugar is closest to American sugar, icing sugar mirrors powdered sugar, and brown sugar seems to translate across cultures.
Unwritten food rules
It’s not always complicated. Just don’t violate the unwritten food rules:
- Sandwiches have a required layer of fat – mayonnaise, butter or margarine. Therefore, a peanut butter sandwich has butter, not jelly. (Jelly is American jello and often served with ice cream.)
- Baked beans can be served cold and eaten with a fork straight from the tin, or if heated, they go on toast with a fried egg on top.
- At a sausage sizzle, you will get a sausage on one slice of buttered white bread folded over like a bun.
- Hamburgers don’t come with pickles, but rather a slice of beetroot. (by including “beet” this becomes a family-friendly use of the word root).
- And don’t even get me started on that vile spread Kiwis call Marmite.
Tips for speaking in Kiwi slang
Still confused? Here are my tips to avoid the top 10 common funny New Zealand language blunders:
- When told to bring a plate to an event, be sure it has food on it to share.
- If you are angry, remember to say you are “pissed off” (not just pissed).
- Remember to cheer for your favourite team, not root for them.
- If it’s pissing down, bring an umbrella.
- Don’t go to the shops looking for woollies (like I did). When they tell you to put your woollies on, it refers to any warm layers.
- If your mate tells you about someone pushing up the daisies, look sad; they are talking about someone who is dead and buried.
- Don’t worry about what you will do with a box of fluffy ducks. It’s just a happy expression and completely bird-free.
- That guy walking down the street wearing tiny shorts that are too tight – that’s a New Zealand fashion called stubbies.
- A sparrow fart is just an early morning sunrise.
- If you give a kiwi kid a choice of two foods, their polite answer will undoubtedly be “I don’t mind.” Just accept it and make your own choice.
No worries mate, you’ll be right now that it’s all sorted. Good on you for giving it a go!
The above article won a gold medal at Expatsblog.com.
If you are coming to study in New Zealand, the government offers some advice on speaking New Zealand English.
I was once gifted the Personal Kiwi-Yankee Dictionary, a quite funny little book, albeit a bit outdated as it was written in 1984.
If you want to know more about daily life, I wrote about my adjustments to life in NZ as an expat here, but if you are headed to New Zealand for the first time, here’s what you need to know.
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What Kiwi slang have you encountered?
For more on New Zealand, start here: New Zealand Road Trips: Itineraries for North or South Island Adventures, or you might like …
Bob
Well that takes the cake! Great read, good comments too. I’m expat kiwi in Aussie. There’s a saying from way-back “as mad as a gum-digger” The gum diggers would overturn swamps to find “amber” or Kauri “gum” in NZ. They were Yugoslav called ‘Dalmatians’ in NZ and they’d get pissed and fight frequently. Hence the saying.
raymond carroll
I had just met my partner when we were at a barbie at his farm & made some remark about kiwis she said to me keep that up & I will growl you that broke my mates up I then had to tell them what it meant that she was going to go crook at me for saying what I had said
Human
My answer when people ask me to make ANY decision is “I don’t mind.” or “I don’t care, as long as (Insert name here) is fine with it.”.
Also, my brother and I LOVE using Kiwi stereotypes. “Wanna get some fish and chips bro?” or “Sweet as mate.”
Also also, the term ‘Kiwi’ is used to name three things. The fruit, the bird, and the people.
Kim
Not sure if someone asked yet but PLEASE why won’t you touch on fanny ?
I must know (as I mentioned to you I have a cousin in NZ.) And Yes the Waka (waka waka) place as I’m going to all it did give me a laugh.
But if you think NZ is bad I’m not sure if You’ve been to Sweden but I’ve come across this article
https://www.thelocal.se/20151014/eight-swedish-words-that-sound-awkward-in-english
Our insults curses and colloquialisms I think were brought her by Leif Erikson
And man some are a bit ‘cheeky’. lmao
And the last one.. I always told mom is ‘just a word’ well I was right all these years and didn’t even know it. I’m either smarter than everyone thinks, or There must be Viking blood somewhere in one of my bloodlines
Rebecca
Here in New Zealand, fanny is slang for vagina, same as in the UK. That’s probably why she avoids it.
I’m guessing fanny has a different meaning in the USA? Or is it only used as a part of “fannypack”?
DeAnna
Fanny can also be a polite way to say butt in the U.S.
Margarette Keegan
It’s a polite word to say Behind!
Anda
Your post cracked me up, Rhonda. I can’t imagine how hilarious some of these phrases are. How long dit it take you to learn all these? I mean how long did it take you to stop laughing when you hear them and be able to use them yourself. It seems that Kiwis are from another planet. Ok, maybe not another planet maybe, but another hemisphere (lol!) I’d surely love to visit this country, but I don’t think I would enjoy living there. From what you were describing to me before, there are big cultural differences between America and New Zealand.
Lela McKenzie
Yes, if you travel to New Zealand, you will find some of the stores as you said you did not understand the words, so it is necessary for you to find a tour guide.
David from Travelodium
As an Australian there are many similarities in our slang but there are plenty that are NZ only. She’ll be right mate is Australian as it comes, but if someone says She’ll be right bro we’ll be starting to reference our sheep shagging joke repertoire immediately. Watching Leonardo Di Caprio trying Kiwi speak in a South African accent on Blood Diamond was hilarious my main man. Good one Bro. Anyway leave your jandals at the door and come in for some feesh and cheeps and when the sun goes down the ship get nervous. Nice article with a US perspective.
Suzy
Enjoyed this post. I’ve been living in NZ for nearly 30 years and the slang still gets the better of me sometimes.
Jill at Reading the Book Travel
I love how many of these are exactly the same as UK English! The thing I love about Kiwi English is the accent though, and the fact they seem to swap their vowel sounds around. That always makes me smile!
sallie rainville
Such a fun read — and enjoyed all the comments too.
Mary {The World Is A Book}
These were fun to read and so interesting to see that words we never think twice about in America can mean totally different an even derogatory in NZ. We would love to revisit NZ with the kids and will be sure to brush up on these slang words before our trip.
Paige
Too funny! I just love the things that are “lost in translation” even when it’s technically the same language. I think Sparrow fart is my favorite! That’s too funny! I would have a hard time saying Whakapapa haha 😉
Rhonda Albom
It took me three ski seasons before I could say it without giggling.
Kate
Ah man, I miss New Zealand add Kiwi friends. I always loved the way they pronounce fush n chups. Jandals were a favourite item that I’d never heard of before.
I understand a lot of the food expressions because they’re very close to British. We say tea in northern England for dinner and there’s nothing like a good old cuppa.
They’re great people and have a fascinating history. Beautiful culture and relationship with Maori heritage. I’d go back in a heartbeat.
This post made me laugh and brought back some great memories
Photo Cache
Very interesting and informative post, lovely photos too. All the best for 2018.
A ShutterBug Explores
Rhonda ~ excellent post about ‘down under’ and lovely photos ~ glad you are enjoying each day ~
Wishing you a Happy New Year,
A ShutterBug Explores
aka (A Creative Harbor)
Lady Fi
Lovely shots and great to read more about NZ.
Dorothy
Your post made me smile. If I ordered a peanut butter and jelly it would be a peanut butter and butter? Love the slang.
Rhonda Albom
Not exactly. The peanut butter sandwich would most likely have butter on it, but jelly in New Zealand is Jello in America. So if you did get PBJ it would most likely be the sandwich with a spoonful of jello on the side.
Phillipa
Or more likely, it’d be bread, a layer of butter or margarine, peanut butter and jam/preserves, (as opposed to “jelly”)!!
Lyn @ A Hole in my Shoe
Haha great post Rhonda, I never knew how many similarities us Aussies and Kiwis have. Rattle your dags is the one I’d never heard of but familiar with all the others, just reading them in that classic kiwi accent LOL
Rhonda Albom
Rattle your dags isn’t used all that often.
Nancy
Oh wow – that would be like a whole new language for me!
Kerri
Aah…..so much like Oz it’s not funny! (or perhaps it is). As I read this, I kept thinking about all the words that Kiwis use here that are of course more familiar to us but still so different and given the small divide, I find that funny. Jandals and chilly bins were always the ones that stood out. Haven’t heard of a box of fluffy ducks before so that’s a new one. I’m quite sure you could keep writing more of these as could I….we really do speak a different language don’t we? I remember asking for lemonade with my bourbon in a US bar and they looked at me strangely and gave me a drink made from real lemons! I learned that lesson that day and asked for Sprite in future 🙂 It’s hard enough when you move countries to learn languages but added slang makes it even trickier doesn’t it. Sounds like you are handling it all quite well and are now able to take the piss out of your new home!
mick
Great post. Many years ago I wrote something similar when I was at ‘varsity in the USA. I got tired of the strange looks I was frequently given!
Hilary
Hi Rhonda – congratulations on winning gold – it’s well deserved. Language – yes and happens in Canada too …
Happy New Year to you all – cheers Hilary
Mei
Haha! This is both so funny and useful! We’ve never been to NZ but when we do at least we’ll know what to say and most importantly how to react when people talk to us! But it’s acutally good that they call milk (for coffee) milk, like we do it here in Europe. Everytime we gp to the USA, we’re always confused during the first day when a waiter asks us if we want some cream for our coffee. Kerstin who loves whipped cream always say “YES” with a big smile. haha! As for the expression “pushing up the daisies” it reminds me of our Luxembourgish expression “contemplating radishes from the bottom”.
Bob
Pushin up daisies was in the song “Bonnie and Clyde”…. “Pushin’ up daisies to welcome the sun in the morning dew”
Kate
A lot of this is familiar to Australian slang so I found myself smiling at the similarities. Although a completely different accent is needed of course if you want to do authentic Kiwi. I always think my way of speaking is completely normal until I meet people from other countries and they are bewildered by the things I say.
I’ve had other travellers laugh at me for calling McDonald’s ‘Macca’s’, how I say ‘heaps’ instead of ‘a lot’ and a multitude of other phrases that are so normal for me.
Rhonda Albom
Macca’s still makes me giggle, although worse is KFC – Kiwi for Chicken. 🙂
Anf Braybrooke
Funny blog! I’m used to most of the words (living in the UK / having lived in Australia) – I’ve never really thought how such mundane / everyday statements are not translatable. Did you get pissed last night on New Year’s Eve? I hope it wasn’t pissing down.
Rhonda Albom
LOL – We didn’t get pissed, but we had some piss. And, while the weather was fine on New Year’s Eve, today it was pissing down.
Megan Jerrard
Haha I know how you feel, being Australian, they similarly “call it English”, but sometimes I feel our slang is a language unto it’s own lol! It sounds like a lot of Aus slang is similar to NZ – I had to laugh because my husband is from America and we’ve had a couple of similar experiences to you, like pissed, trash, shattered etc. Sometimes he looks at me strangely and says “what??!” like when I say a sparrows fart lol!
Rhonda Albom
Being married to an American, I am sure you both completely understood every word here. Glad you laughed.
Nathalie Caty
This is great. I was in New Zealand and I was just adapting to work “query” for asking a question. I definitely agree that it is a country to travel independently. I was in the South Island and had the best time in Christchurch, Queenstown, and Dunedin.
Rob+Ann
Hilarious! We love those idioms that make a culture unique. Funny how the same words can mean something SO different, even though we’re all speaking English! When “bum bags” were all the rage in the U.S., our Kiwi friend would bust into giggles every time we referred to our “fanny packs.” But then, we did the same every time she asked for a rubber. 😉 Great post, Ronda – congrats on the Gold!
Rhonda Albom
Sixteen years later and rubber still makes me giggle.
Obligatory Traveler
This made me so happy, though I think I need to see “fluffy ducks” used in a sentence. From now on when co-worker throw tantrums, I’m going to have to say they are throwing a wobbly. After watching too much Flight of the Concords, I usually say I’m going to have a sleep when I want to take a nap. Pinning this one for sure for when we go to New Zealand in the future.
Rhonda Albom
It’s not really used in a sentence, but rather is the sentence. “It’s like a box of fluffy ducks.”
Nikki
I know I’m about 3 years late to the game but “box of fluffy ducks” isn’t used all that often in its full form. Rather, it’s shortened to “box of fluffies” and is used in response to being asked how you/things are.
E.g. “Hey Rhonda, how are you?” and the response would be “Oh, a box of fluffies mate!”
Hope that helps!
Elaine J Masters
Such fun and only an expat who’s been in a country a long while would know all this! I loved seeing the Maori people when I was there briefly but don’t think I’d ever master their pronounciations! Thanks for the virtual visit. I can see why you won a prize.
Rhonda Albom
Maori pronunciation is easy once you know the rules. There are few exceptions. And if you know the Spanish vowel sounds, they are the same.
Bob
Hey Rhonda, loved your story, but you missed one “Airgun” is not one of those, it is actually a greeting!
Hannah
This made me LOL. As a Kiwi expat in the UK, I still get into trouble with some of my expressions! The Pants / Trousers faux-pas is the most common still! I still say ‘I’m pissed’ when I’m drunk, but I’m hoping the drunkenness is implied, therefore they forgive my antipodean ways! One of my favourite expressions that NZers understand, but the UK folk don’t – ‘pash rash’! Pash = french kiss (or snog here in the UK)… therefore a pash rash is when you’ve been kissing a fella too long and your face has gone red. Oh, how wonderful is language! Great post!
Rhonda Albom
I remember the first time I was upset about something. Someone asked me what the problem is and I said, I am pissed – thinking it meant pissed off.
Jill at Reading the Book Travel
Pissed = drunk in the UK too, so that’s probably why no-one has commented!
knycx.journeying
Such funny and interesting culture and yes, “Kiwi” is basically an icon in New Zealand. Thanks for sharing so much expression and I may use a lot “She’ll be right, mate” next time during my visit in the country! @ knycx.journeying
Rhonda Albom
Don’t be surprised if no one notices. It’s said so commonly here.
Mrs H
Cried laughing. My husband is a kiwi, we live in the US have been traveling back to visit over the last 15 years. Additionally, my 2 BFFs are in NZ, and this was spot on! I have to literally adjust my brain when we travel.
Other favorites – alumiNIum, far out, heaps, soya sauce, crisps vs chips, tramping, and the general shortening of everything and adding and “ie”, brekkie, sunnies, etc
Rhonda Albom
Yes, aluminium, oregano, adidas, mazda, pasta, and the random r that seems to appear on words, or be left off other words.
Amy
My favourite saying is “sweet as” I usually say it alot lol
Rhonda Albom
Be sure to read Brian’s comment below. He has a funny “sweet as” story.
chloe lin
New Zealand is practically my dream list. I’ve seen and heard so many things about it. Good things… AWW i wish to get there in 2018!
Rhonda Albom
New Zealand is fabulous. I hope you get here.
Annabel
Hilarious! Some Kiwi phrases are the same in UK English but some are rather different!
Rhonda Albom
They were all new to us.
Kelly
Great post! I am a Kiwi/ Aussie now living overseas… well on a boat. We meet many people from around the world and I have to remember not to use so much slang so that they understand what I am saying!
Rhonda Albom
After 16 years here, we struggle when we go back to the states.
Anisa
Given that I have just moved to England, I know what you mean about the different languages!
Rhonda Albom
British English sure has its moments of WTF.
Brian - EatWorkTravel
When we were in Queenstown we kept hearing people say what we thought was “sweet a$$.” We were so confused by the response until we saw a t-shirt that said “Sweet As.” We still laugh about it! Learning new phrases is one of our many favorite things about traveling!
Rhonda Albom
LOL – We had a similar experience with a different expression. The guy who handles the sheep dags is called a shed hand, but we heard something else (sh^& Hand).
jenni
What a funny read. I have never heard of rattle your dags I might start saying that from now on lol
Rhonda Albom
Just keep in mind, that dags original meaning (and still used) is the dried faeces left dangling from the wool on a sheep’s rear end.
ANda
Hahaha, this reminds me about the time when I moved to California from Europe. In Europe we learned British English and many works, like in New Zealand, have different forms or different meanings. When I first asked for a “rubber” in the office (to erase some notes written in pencil), everybody burst into laughter. They knew of course what I meant, but they call “rubber” a condom. Adjusting to another culture is difficult, isn’t it? I wish you an amazing New Year, Rhonda!
Rhonda Albom
I remember the first time one of the girls’ friends, at that time a 6-year-old, asked me for a rubber. I didn’t know the British meaning, so I was really surprised.
Tony McGurk
Most of the Kiwi language is similar to Australian. Although when I 1st visited NZ I kept seeing signs on many Restaurant & Hotel doors saying “No Jandals”. Couldn’t figger that word out so had to ask a local. Judder Bars was another amusing one, as well as Chilly Bin which we call an Esky here. As far as Marmite goes, YUK!!! Gimme good ol’ Vegemite any day. I had to Google the Fluffy Ducks phrase as I hadn’t heard of it before.
I must say I was always rather amused at the American expression when someone would say that they were rooting for a particular football team. I’ll say no more on that subject….
Ellen
Congrats! Great achievement!
L. Diane Wolfe
Congrats on winning gold! And Merry Christmas.
Julie K Pick
Congrats on your gold badge! Your story was fun and informative!
Joyce
Congrats on the multiple comments. Pretty cool.
Valerie
Congrats!!!! You totally deserve it!!!
Mad hugs!
Valerie
Comedy Plus
Way to go Rhonda. You did a really funny piece and I learned a lot about conversations in your country. I’d be in trouble the first sentence. Yep, I would.
Have a fabulous day. 🙂
wanderingeducators
congrats!!
Alex J. Cavanaugh
Congratulations on the Gold anyway! Your piece was funny.
stevebethere
Well done Rhonda it was a good post funny too …who needs money anyway….”coughs”
Have a goldtastic day 😉